Mouse on a Wheel in My Brain Syndrome

Inker Binker

I love being with animals. Watching them takes me out of my usual mobius strip of worries. I even enjoy watching the squirrels and birds in our yard.

I’ve had at least one cat since I was 12 (how I got that cat is an interesting story all by itself). Currently we have only one cat: Inky who we have lots of nicknames for (Inkster, Inker Binker, Binky, Inkyboy). I don’t think the cat cares all that much as long as we’re nice to him and take care of him.

It’s funny, though. Cats look like they’re thinking deep thoughts because they can sit for long periods just staring at the same thing. But they’re largely reactive and instinctive.

Inky is almost entirely black but has a few white hairs, mostly on his chest. His fur is soft and glossy and unlike the previous two cats we owned, doesn’t shed much. There are two things that make Inky so endearing:

First, he has the softest voice I’ve ever heard in a cat. He squeaks more than meows and it sounds more like he’s asking me a question. The cat we had before had an extremely loud, strident voice especially when he wanted food.

Second, he is extremely cuddly and affectionate. There are cats that like people but mostly they hang out near people. They don’t curl up in your lap or like to be held. Inky loves sitting in our lap. If you pet him, he’ll get so relaxed it feels like he’s “melted.” He especially likes sitting in my husband’s lap and my husband will rub his stomach until the cat falls asleep splayed out on my husband’s lap.

There are people who actively dislike cats or are neutral towards them. In my case, there’s something about holding a purring cat that makes my heart feel very full and satisfied.

It’s hard to get a good photograph of Inky because his coloring makes it difficult to pick up details. When I get some good ones, I’ll include them with this post.

Fun Inventory for week of 6/11/07

Some things I did that were fun last week:

• Bought the book, Hannibal Rising on impulse when I was getting groceries. Not as good as Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal but still pretty good. The parts I’m enjoying most are the descriptions of Hannibal’s Japanese stepmother. I don’t know much about Japanese culture and I’m fascinated by how intentional she is about bringing moments of simple beauty into her everyday world. When she sends notes she adds a flower blossom or a sprig of pussy willow. What would my life be like if I and the people I know do things like that?
• My husband and son are back from their week in Chicago. As I requested, my husband bought me a box of Fannie May chocolates. I love Fannie May chocolate. When I lived in Chicago, there were a lot of Fannie May stores and I could buy their chocolates any time I wanted to. They’ve had the same recipes for decades and although they don’t create chocolates that are in fashion now: super high percentages of cocoa and exotic European shaped chocolates, Fannie May chocolates are very good and remain a simple pleasure.
• For Father’s Day I bought brownies, vanilla ice cream, and fresh raspberries. We had this for dessert. Another simple but very enjoyable pleasure.

Fun Inventory for 6/12/2007

Fun, enjoyable things that I did

• Create a mock up of jewel box packaging for client’s new info product. My right brain is so happy to get out of its cage. My left brain is taking a much needed vacation!
• My cat, Inky, curled up next to me when I went to sleep last night. Falling asleep with a contented, purring cat pushed up against my stomach is about as good as it gets.
• Read an article in Vanity Fair about Princess Di’s last great love. Not that I’ve shared others fascination with the “People’s Princess” but she sure had amazing fashion sense and made the most of her wardrobe. The only other public figure who had the same level of chic was Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Both of them could have worn burlap sacks and paper bags and their images would jump off the page.
• Stopped working early (around 2:30 PM) and sat in bed eating low fat sour cream Lays potato chips and reading From a Buick 8 (Stephen King) while it rained out. Cold rainy days are the best for being in bed under a down comforter and reading.

Why this blog?

Because I’m not having enough fun in my life and it’s becoming a problem.

I never thought not having enough fun could be a problem. I thought fun was like dessert after you ate all the stuff that was good for you but not particularly enjoyable to eat. Fun was optional and had to be earned.

But I think I got it backwards or sideways.

I’ve had my own business for just about two years now and I’ve noticed that even though my business is doing better than ever, I still wake up in the morning and I feel tired, and drained. I don’t get out of bed looking forward to the day. More often I feel anxious and a sense of dread. And I started a business to get away from those feelings that I associated with the corporate world.

What was wrong with this picture?

My business wasn’t nourishing my heart and soul. Not the way I thought it was supposed to. My original belief has been that if my business is successful (meaning people are calling me, I have some money in the bank, and I’m getting the results I want) my heart will feel full. But that hasn’t happened. In fact the more money I earn the more worried I become about spending it! Freaky.

So, I’ve decided that I needed to go back into old territories, some of which I haven’t been in since I was a kid, and rediscover what lightens me up. Are there things I can experience that will make me wake up in the morning feeling like I can’t wait to get out of bed?

And, if I find those things, what will it do to me and how I feel about my business?

Stay tuned and find out.